Monday, April 19, 2010

~~The Great Food Debate~~

Since I quit cooking about 5 years ago I have left the whats and wheres of all that happens in the kitchen to my husband. He likes to cook and since he likes it, so be it, he now owns the kitchen and all that happens there.
With one exception- I refuse to eat any "weird" meat. By weird meat I mean if it doesn't come wrapped in plastic, full of preservatives I want nothing to do with it.
We live in a part of the country where the deer hunt may as well be a holiday because nobody will be in school because they are all with their parents on "the hunt". There is also an unbelievable number of people who also hunt elk, duck, geese, wild turkey, bear, moose, dove, well you get the picture, if it runs it shall be hunted. All of these things I consider weird meat.
He has tried, a time or well say 200, to trick me into eating these nasty things. He says if I don't know what it is I would never be able to tell it isn't from the store. Guess what? He is wrong. I swear it smells and looks different and he can talk until he is blue in the face but he wont get me to change my mind.
He also has a friend that has decided to use turkey burger in everything and has convinced He-Man to use it too. I have boycotted that issue every time it is brought up. Even though turkey comes from the store it is still weird when it doesn't come out of the oven all golden brown and ready to be carved up.
So this past week he thought he could trick me and he bought turkey burger to make spaghetti sauce with. He went to the store by himself (another thing I despise)got all of his sneaky ingredients and came home to make dinner.
I could smell it cooking and of course it didn't smell right. He swore up and down I was crazy and he was cooking hamburger. He brought me a plate of food (I know sweet huh?!?)and again swore that he didn't know why it looked different to me because IT. WAS. HAMBURGER. (I beg to differ)
So he went up and got his plate and came down in the family room with me. I was picking through the food and taking out the spaghetti noodles only. He made some huffing and puffing noise to show he was displeased with my pickiness and began to eat. About a minute later I noticed he wasn't eating and I looked at him with what I assume was a question on my face because before I had a chance to say anything he blurted out that turkey burger does taste different and it was gross. You should all be proud, I didn't even say I told you so. Wanted to, but didn't.
What do you think, does store meat and game meat taste different??

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

~~My Dogs~~

This morning I went to sign my dogs up for welfare. At first the lady said, "Dogs are not eligible to draw welfare". So I explained to her that my Dogs are mixed in color, unemployed, lazy, can't speak English and have no frigging clue who their Daddies are. They expect me to feed them, provide them with housing and medical care, and feel guilty because they are dogs.

So she looked in her policy book to see what it takes to qualify. My Dogs get their first checks Friday.

Damn, this is a great country.

Borrowed from the site: Go check her out she is hillarious!!

Monday, April 5, 2010

~~For Those Over 30~~

Got this in an email this morning and by God it is all the truth-- Who writes this stuff and how do they know me so well???

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning.... Uphill... Barefoot... BOTH ways¦ yadda, yadda, yadda

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on my kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it! But now that I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!
And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don't know how good you've got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have the Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!!

There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter - with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox, and it would take like a week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents!

Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ass! Nowhere was safe!

There were no MP3's or Napsters or iTunes! If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself!

Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio, and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up! There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car.. We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when finished, and then the tape would come undone rendering it useless. Cause, hey, that's how we rolled, Baby! Dig?

We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called, they got a busy signal, that's it! There weren't any freakin' cell phones either. If you left the house, you just didn't make a damn call or receive one. You actually had to be out of touch with your "friends". OH MY GOD !!! Think of the horror... not being in touch with someone 24/7!!! And then there's TEXTING. Yeah, right. Please! You kids have no idea how annoying you are. And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your parents, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, the collection agent... you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

We didn't have any fancy PlayStation or Xbox video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'Asteroids'. Your screen guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen... Forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel!!! NO REMOTES!!! Oh, no, what's the world coming to?!?! There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying? We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-finks!

And we didn't have microwaves. If we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove! Imagine that! And our parents told us to stay outside and play... all day long. Oh, no, no electronics to soothe and comfort. And if you came back inside... you were doing chores!
And car seats - oh, please! Mom threw you in the back seat and you hung on. If you were luckily, you got the "safety arm" across the chest at the last moment if she had to stop suddenly, and if your head hit the dashboard, well that was your fault for calling "shot gun" in the first place!
See! That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled rotten! You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980 or any time before!

Sunday, April 4, 2010

~~Louise or Lewis?~~

So my big kids all graduated high school. With good grades. They are all pretty smart, or so I have always thought.
We were watching The Blind Side today and it came to the part where Michael's teacher says something about Lewis & Clark.
My daughter said "I thought it was Louise."
I told it that no it was Lewis and she asked, "Well which one was the girl then?"
I said that there wasn't a girl except Sacajawea.
She sat there for a minute and then said, "I know it is Louise & Clark- Clark Kent right?"
So my high school graduate doesn't know the difference between Superman's girlfriend and the man who discovered the great west. Guess I would rather live in Metropolis some days too!!