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Tuesday, June 8, 2010

~~15 Year Old Mothers and Your Advise~~


I know at times I was awful to my mother. She used to tell me about it all the time when she was helping me pack for a guilt trip. I even got the everlasting, dreaded mother curse. You know the one: "You just wait until you have kids.” My response? "I'm never having kids.”

And I seriously didn't want any at that time. I had way to many brothers and sisters that I helped take care of and there was nothing I wanted less than my own kids. At that point in time I would have rather got on one of the bulls my crazy ass brothers rode than to even consider having a baby. Actually I did do that once, but that is another story.

But I digress.

I wanted to travel, have fun, go to school, be a millionaire and make that money doing something I loved. It was not to be. I was 15 working fast food, going to high school and trying my best not to cause too much damage to the fragile little mind of a newborn and then very active toddler.

"I'm NEVER having kids!!" Boy, did I eat those words the day I walked out of the hospital, a 15 year old mother and not a clue as to what the hell I was going to do. I couldn't get a drivers license, I couldn't vote, drink a beer legally or own a gun. I was not old enough to rent an apartment to live in or work without parental permission. But I was 100% responsible for another little life and apparently they don't ID you at the hospital to see if you are "of age" to be leaving with that little bundle of squirming, pooping and crying sweetness. What the fu#k had I done???

I never did really have "the talk" with my mom. I'm not blaming her and I think she probably felt that all my sisters would fill me in. That and I really didn't get interested in boys as early as a lot of my friends so maybe she thought I was safe. Who knows. The one thing I do know is that as soon as my girls could understand it all we started having the talks. I say talks because it was a constant thing not just a one timer. I wanted them to be sure they knew what would happen if they were fooling around instead of learning it from their friends or whoever else it may come from. I wanted my daughters to be strong and sure of themselves and their sexuality. I wanted them to know what would happen after some stupid boy told them he loved them and got into their pants before they were really ready.

I was criticized several times for being open and honest with them, but I didn't care for the alternative so I took the criticism and shook it off. It's not like I was showing them porn or given them condoms at age 10, I just wanted them to know the consequences at age 10 so at age 16 when they thought they were ready they would think again.
Something must have worked because they both finished school, got married and had good jobs before they started having babies. They were not labeled as the school sluts or easy girls because they were strong enough to say no and mean it. It did not restrict their dating in any way because they had a ton of dates and friends in high school. They didn't fall for the first guy to tell them he loved them and that they would "do it" if they loved him back. No, they laughed in the faces of those boys and you know what? They were respected and had so many friends that were boys as well as girls. They were not in any way prude, they just knew what they wanted in life and a quick roll in the hay wasn't worth what the consequences could be. Know what else? More than once when they were hanging out at our house I heard one boy or another say it was cool to be just friends with a girl with no expectations of it going further. I am not in any way saying they were perfect. My head is not in the sand and I know they experimented some, but they were smart, are smart, and know how to conduct themselves in an appropriate manner.

There are so many young mothers in the news who have hurt or killed their child or let their boyfriend or baby daddy hurt them and stand by doing nothing as to not make them mad and possibly have them leave her. Seriously?? What man (or boy) is worth having if he is harming your child? I guess I am generalizing too much because I know a lot of young mothers are very good mothers and I like to think I was, but the statistics don't lie and you can pick up any paper in any city on any day and find something about a child being hurt or killed.
I can understand frustration at a crying newborn, I cannot understand hurting one. And most of all, I don't want my little girls to ever be put in the situation that they may be too young to rationally deal with a crying baby.

So now I am at that same cross road with my two little girls. They are 5 and 7 or if you ask them "almost 6 and 7 1/2". When we adopted them they already knew more about life than two little girls should ever know and sometimes we have anger issues with the older one. I can totally see her acting out when she is a little older and rebelling against anything we say so do I educate her now preparing for that or just hope it doesn't happen that way? There is so much more sex on TV than there used to be and I wonder if I should talk about things now with them. It seems to be glamorized when a teenager has a baby on some of the stupid little shows they watch. I don't want to intrude on their innocence, but I don't want either of them to be a 15 year old mother. So what do you think internet? Are they too young? Should I let it go a few more years? Should I start now and just not be real specific? I want them to be little girls as long as they can and not grow up too fast, but I want them to be safe and prepared for life in this crazy world. So what is your opinion??? I need your advise.

4 comments:

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

I think that everything you did with your older girls, you should do also with your younger ones. But, pump it up a notch in a way where they understand early on. Gone are the innocent, "my favorite song is Old MacDonald Had a Farm". Now it's, "My favorite song is "I'm a Single Lady" by Beyonce. If media wants to give it to our kids at a young age, then as parents, we have to give it to our kids at an early age as well. Talk, talk and more talk. Plus, unplug. There are just too many ways for them to have their innocence snatched away.

You're doing great!

Anonymous said...

WOW, I think I agree with what you have done and understand the need. Sounds like your daughters were good people to start with. If the younger ones have already been exposed to too much... you might have to scare the living daylights out of them to have close to the same effects. I come from a family with a few teen preggers:( I think we all knew better but if mom would have said you are going to experience yeast infections UTI's, STD's, heartaches, and babies as soon as you put that thing in action...we might have made the same mistakes. Maybe we needed a more valid emotional pep talk on a "spiritual" side. It isn't love as children, a childs love (teens are kids) is to pure for passion. This is cheesy but I think of Edward Cullen and waiting for sex-hottest creature on earth and still had respect for waiting. I wish men came from that kind of mold. GOOD LUCK

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Anonymous said...

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