Thursday, October 8, 2009

~~I Feel Really Old~~

My brother-in-law and his cute little wife had a baby last week. Cute as a bug with a ton of hair. On the same day my niece got married. Neither one is considered too young to be doing those things, but they both made me really feel my age.
When I married my husband his brother was 4. He grew up with my kids in between the two oldest and it seems really strange to think that he is old enough to be a daddy.
My niece made a beautiful bride, but I couldn't help but to keep thinking back to when I first held her in the hospital~ it seemed like yesterday.

Don't get me wrong, I am happy for the new parents and the newlyweds, but I have traveled a long way~ and some of those roads where not paved so well. I don't like feeling this old. My motto has always been "I may get older, but I will never grow up". Back when Betsy Ross and I went to school it sounded like the way to go but lately I sit around and think how nice it is that wrinkles aren't painful because if they were I would be in a world of hurt there would be no way out of.
My 6 year old tells me I have silver hair and saggy arms~ yea that makes me happy.
She doesn't have to tell me that my boobs, butt and double chins are sagging too, I see it in the mirror every day.
I have decided that eventually everyone will reach a point when they stop lying about their age and start bragging about it. I am not really so sure that includes me though because I don't ever want to get old. Unfortunately life is not cooperating with my plans. So while some people try to turn back their odometers, I want people to know "why" I look this way. I have children~~ that should explain it right there, but there is more.
First I started having babies at 15, not old enough to drive, far from being legal to buy a drink but the hospital handed that baby over without blinking an eye. That child, God love him, has single handedly given me more than a handful of those silver hairs.
I was married and divorced by 21 and I worked hard to take care of my 3 kids, I am not complaining about it, just stating it to make the point that I had more important things to take care of than my makeup and hair like before.
I got married again and went through several years of fertility treatments to try and have another baby and those of you who have done this know what it does to you. It sucks the life right out of you!
Several years ago, in a matter of 5 years, I had cancer, broke my back and had surgery for an obstructed bowel. This pretty much put my exercise and activity at a stand still and the weight started sticking around. I have tried several times and have actually even lost a lost of weight, but it seems to creep right back on. I don't know about you, but I think the older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends. Mine are BFF's!!
I watched my granddaughter suffer for 3 months and then die of the cancer she was born with and that alone aged me about 40 years. I wouldn't trade one minute of being with her since that is the only time we had with her, but again, it aged me quick.
Life is hard and I know everyone has issues to deal with, but I swore I wouldn't be an old lady at a young age. I wanted to be young forever and look what the hell happened. I am in fact, a young woman trapped in a crotchety old lady's body and it just isn't what I signed on for.
OK I am done complaining, but I would like to know does anyone know a good plastic surgeon that wants to make me young again and will take weekly payments of $1 for life????
Yea, I didn't think so.

1 comment:

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