Sunday, January 25, 2009

~~What a Difference a Year Makes~~

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This day last year we were all at Primary Children's Hospital taking turns holding Zariah and telling her how much she meant to all of us. Hoping for a last minute miracle, yet knowing it would not happen. Our sweet baby was going to die from the horrible cancer she had been born with despite the chemo, radiation and many surgeries her little body had been through. She fought so hard and endured more than any 2 month old, or any child should have to. It was so hard to turn off the machines that were keeping her alive, it felt so wrong to make the decision to let her go, yet it was the only thing to do to make her comfortable. She had suffered long enough and there was just nothing more the doctors could do for her and to keep her from being in such horrible pain. It was the hardest day of my life. I felt I had failed somehow in protecting this precious little life. But at 6:40 pm the angels that had been holding Zariah, took her by the hand and led her home to Jesus. God needed to call her home and she is brightening Heaven with her beautiful eyes and smile, no longer in pain and not suffering in her earthly body, waiting for all of us to meet her again.

One year later as we visit her grave and tell her how much we miss her, we also get to tell her about her little brother. I feel she hand picked him for us and he looks so much like her it is amazing. At times he stares at her picture by his crib and smiles and "talks" to her. Other times he coo's and smiles at nothing, staring off into space and we are just sure he is seeing her and she is telling him stories and watching over him and the rest of us.

He is such a blessing and I would never say or think that he is taking her place, but he fills a void that losing her left in our home. He is such a sweet baby and he is loved so much. I never thought my heart would heal, but holding that little boy makes a calming feeling come over me and I feel her in my heart & soul.

So what a difference a year makes. This time last year my heart was breaking and I didn't think I would ever stop crying and not knowing how I could go on. Today I am playing with my grandson, enjoying his smiles, amazed at how fast he is growing and looking forward to him growing up into a handsome little man.

If you would like to read the story of Zariah's life you can go to and her page name is Zariah111207.

1 comment:

Krystyn said...

I've got goosebumps. What a beautiful little girl.

What a really sweet post. I can't imagine how much your heart broke and re-breaks...I love that he talks to his sister.