Thursday, June 11, 2009

~~Being a Mom~~

I like being a mother. I know this comes as a surprise to many of you, because I have wished over and over and complained to many of you that I would do anything to make the bitching and moaning, the fighting and whining stop for five seconds so I can think.

But the truth is: I like being a mother.

Here, let me prove it:

I gave up all "good' food, forgoing fried anything and actually ate vegetables (ugh) and drank milk (yuck) during my first pregnancy. I was told I had to eat healthy to have a normal baby since my 15 year old body wasn’t really made to have a baby yet. Josh weighed 9 pounds 15 ounces. I swore to all that is holy that if I ever had another baby I would eat anything I wanted.
I did eat whatever I wanted with Jacki and she weighed 4 pounds 5 ounces. She was also just as healthy as Josh so I guess it really doesn’t matter what you eat as long as you don’t smoke crack and drink vodka for lunch every day.

I used to dream about going to law school or medical school and living the college life with all my friends. Instead I got my high school diploma while working full time and then went to college while working at night so I could get a job that would support my kids when their father chose to drink his paycheck and run around with floozies. I also thought very long and hard about getting married again and how it would affect them instead of just doing what I wanted. Turned out pretty good, but I had to be sure because they came first.

I raised good kids and my kids are smart, damn smart!!!

Josh graduated high school without ever cracking a book. I don’t remember him ever having homework either. But then again he didn’t spend all his teenage years at home- that is a whole other post. Enough said!

Jacki & Jaycee both graduated from high school as juniors and used their senior year to do college courses to get a head start.

Raven is a great mommy and works hard to raise her kids right. She overcame the adversity she lived with before coming into my family and has grown into a beautiful, confident young woman because of it.

Amber & Libby have overcome a lot in the past 2 years we have had them. They can both read and write above their age level and the things that they say can really floor me sometimes just hearing it come out of such a tiny little person.

But that is only the good stuff, right? Of course if I only tell you the good stuff, am I really a good mother?

I am a good mother, and I have done some really bad things. Like the time I bailed Josh out of jail because I couldn’t bear to see my baby locked up, even though I knew it wasn’t the best thing to do for him(and larwdy did he prove that to be truth). Or the time I threw them all out of the car for fighting and drove off, granted we were only a block from home and I could see them the whole time, but I still threw them out like I said I was going to.
And the time I whacked Jacki on the head with a hairbrush because she wouldn’t hold still for me to brush her beautiful long blond hair (that I wouldn't let her cut), and the time I screamed at the top of my lungs that I didn’t give a flying f*$@ if they didn’t want to ride in the car seat because that is just what they had to do in front of everyone in the grocery store parking lot. Or even the time I locked myself in the bathroom and cried because I really could not stand one more minute of being with them without killing one or all of them.

Still, I like being a mom. I am not and never will be cool, sophisticated, or the mom that is everyone’s favorite. I may not be the “best” mom, but I am a “good” mom.
The way I see it, being a good mother takes two things: 1) the desire to be a mother and 2) the will to do those things that you think to be important for the well-being of your children. Even those that require me to sacrifice the things I really think I want(like beach vacations), way too much work or putting my life on hold for a bit.

Sometimes my kids have cereal for dinner or pizza for breakfast and that is OK. I don’t freak out over worms, frogs, snakes or 10 dirty little beings in my house wanting a Popsicle. I never quite seem to get my house completely cleaned before another mess pops up, but I still like being a mom. Those things (and many others) may not make me the best mom in some people eyes, but I am still a mom and I love it.

I have mothered other people's children when they needed it. I have opened my home to kids in need and if it was physically possible I would have a dozen more. I may end up in the loony bin, but I would do it.

That does not mean I don’t want time away from the little beasties at times. But my best times are when my family is around me and the babies are playing. The good times come more often now and the memories of the not so good ones fade, but through it all, I feel like I like being a mom because I am a good mom and I am rocking this gramma thing to the moon!


Alicia said...

That was such a sweet post. And I echo many of your sentiments. Looking back there are so many things I should and could have done differently. But my kids are loved, they are healthy, and thriving. Isn't that what we want for them at the end of the day? Thanks for sharing

Anonymous said...

10 beauties! Gosh... You must be an Angel. I don't know if I could juggle that!